Opening Thoughts
Some say that the self-help genre is marred by the fact that the losers don’t write books. If they did, we would see that many of them did the same things and held the same beliefs as the winners. Luck is huge. I would add to that criticism that books on political science, sociology, and psychology are diminished in value because of the emphasis on linguistic demonstration of theory and intellectually incestuous hypotheticals. Too seldomly do those thinkers get their hands dirty — like, really dirty. So, most of what social and political thinkers have to say is purely hypothetical.
Well, this isn’t exactly a self-help book. Though, it isn’t exactly a book of political science either. And, it is not a manual or step-by-step guide for improving your life, your organization, and your community.
This is, though, absolutely a book about how to help yourself (and others) written by a loser. This book presents some of my best articulations of some of my most consistent observations from my limited perspective.
What I’m sharing isn’t even an attempt at conveying the truth of the nature of this world or a set of correct behaviors and instructions for social change.
What is presented is a map, and more like a subway map than a topological map. That is to say, I know that the proportions between distances aren’t exact. I know that there are many facets of existence which aren’t shown. Some of that’s on purpose; some of that is out of pure simple ignorance. Like a subway map, sometimes things are more useful when they try to do less.
And, that’s the point of this book. It is meant to be useful.
If you read this book and understood everything in it you still wouldn’t immediately know how to solve the problems facing you, your household, or your community.
But, if I’m successful, you ought to have a pretty good idea of how to figure it out.
Here, you will find tales of most kinds of loss that a person can survive to write about. Lost friends, lost businesses, lost teeth, and lost faith. Once one has stacked up a certain number of losses, the title of ‘loser’ also loses its sting. Enough loss becomes an asset in its own right.
But, if all I were was a loser, then this book wouldn’t matter.
What people keep on telling me that I have to offer is a wealth of bizarre and pointed experiences. Some of these experiences involve confrontations with the state, like the time I had to creep through the perimeter of a Joint Terrorist Task Force raid, or that bizarre heart-to-heart with a homicide detective in a dark stairwell after one of the longest nights of my life. Other facets of my life put me in a position to attempt difficult occult training regimens, during which my failures of focus produced many disturbing side effects and alterations in the boundaries of my thinking and perception.
The number of times I’ve been a hair’s breadth from death is mind-numbing. From the guns put to my head by gangsters and police at various points, to losing consciousness at the bottom of a swimming pool after fighting off about a dozen attackers, to dangling off the side of a loamy cliff on the coast of Northern California, to unnecessarily jumping into a knife fight in defense of a fully capable biker, to simply getting sepsis after a botched wisdom tooth removal and deciding to pull out the my next wisdom tooth with a Leatherman and whiskey chaser, to my near impaling on the build crew for Burning Man in 2004, to all of the stories that people have to remind me of around fire pits and in chance meetings at the bar, there is simply very little statistical justification that I am still around. And, there is no good reason to believe that if I don’t get this book written now that I will be around another ten years to get around to it at some later time.
What I most desire, in writing this book is that I succeed in distilling whatever value there is to be gained from making all of the questionable decisions that have contributed to my storied life and present them in a way that helps someone. And, what I believe that I can help with — and tell me if I’m wrong — is the understanding of the constraints which inform the design of life.
By that, I mean that there are inherent boundaries and limitations which ought to inform how we create living systems. By living systems, I mean roommate arrangements, romantic relationships, businesses, activist groups, non-profits, community organizations, religious congregations, governments, etc. All of these are human, living systems, and they are subject to certain inherent limitations and patterns. These limitations can be hard to see. I’ve spent a lot of time in social settings where people have clearly failed to perceive these invisible geometries. If I can provide even a little assistance to some number of people in avoiding these errors then any amount of effort put into this book will have been worthwhile.
As for the troubles which inform the book, they have already been worthwhile. It has been one hell of a ride, and — regrets and miseries included — I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
cheers, Deacon Rodda September 15, 2023
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